… strong undertow of worry about H… it’s as if it were happening to me… is that surprising?… after 22+ years of being together we are as one organism… more than the sum of our individual selves… a variety of fantasies… but the same sick worried feeling at the beginning of each day… after a night of oblivion the cosmos marches us forward towards whatever is waiting… hopefully a nothing burger… how do we teach ourselves to let go and live in the present which, without future located worries is a beautiful place…

… there was inertia this morning, as dawn approached… i shouldn’t walk… i shouldn’t walk so far… no, stay with the routines… they will keep you planted on the ground… oriented…

… H texting me about cash for K… a good sign… hopefully no more blood… feeling a little relieved…

… the emotional heaviness… sadness, depression, mostly because of future thinking… my fantasy mind going all sorts of places… i remember what i told M, emotions are neither good or bad, they just are… the same holds true for random thoughts… they come and go like clouds in the landscape… just let them flow through…

… M and i exchanging texts… S had six teeth extracted… not being very friendly…

… not feeling great today… no good reason for that… no alcohol last night… an unusual blend of radish and celery greens for dinner…

… foggy morning…

… things are a bit sleepy…

… plant species identified this AM:

• stiff dogwood
• catalpa tree
• Winterberry
• Catnip
• ragweed
• evening primrose
• white fringetree

… i had thoughts that i might do the walk-of-sorrows loop this morning but i can feel the planter fasciitis in my left foot getting irritated so i restrict the walk to a Main Street loop… snapping photos of shop windows as i go:

… i also identified common mugwort:

… folk traditions associate it with strength, cleansing, visions, protection and healing… it is also known as sailor’s tobacco because they would smoke it when tobacco supplies ran out on long voyages… this is all according to the Plant Snap app…

… plant snap also helps me identify blue wood aster:

… now that i know what asters are i see them everwhere… this aster is symbolic of love… i pick a sprig to bring home to H… in this way my relationship to her and nature deepens in spiritual content…

… there is a photo exhibition going on in the Beacon storefronts… _Beacon During Covid _… i recognize so many of the subjects and wonder why we were never asked… my ego sprouting… it is fleeting…

Walking

… not the first name that would come to my mind when opening an ice cream and waffle shop… perhaps there’s an interesting story behind it…

… probably safer than it looks but i would be very nervous charging my car in these conditions…

… haven’t seen an eagle perching on this post before… there is a big tree nearby in which they are usually found…

… decided on a walk by the river this AM… gradually plugging myself into Beacon life…

… irritation arrives in the form of a payment declined notice and a query by HM about the HVWW debit card …

… i have started to use Picture This to identify plants on my walks… this is common mullein:

… Derek Jarman mentions it frequently as a component of the landscape around the cottage he lived in…

… as i am walking i notice everything is really overgrown… a lush September…this kind of overhanging growth wasn’t here a few weeks ago:

… a woman jogs by with a dog that barks at me rather loudly before i know it is there… i am startled… she tells Jojo to stop it… sounded more like Cujo to me…

Evening Primrose

Japanese Knotweed

Black Walnut

… D, when they were a kid, had a Black Walnut tree in their yard… they collected the walnuts and cookies would be made… in the year’s before they died, J would make cookies with BW’s and send them for Christmas…

Walking

… after taking garbage to the dump, a walk around old harbor looking for boat reflection images like this one:

… one of my favorite subjects…

Walking the Beach

… from the painted rock to the public access stairs at Mohegan Bluffs… looking for feminine formations… in particular, cliff erosion in which i find vaginal crevices… a bonus offering arrives in the form of three feminine spirits who seem about my age walking the beach in the opposite direction… one is especially attractive to me and is the one who answers me when i wish them good morning…

… i had intended to walk the stretch both ways but the shore is unusually rocky… i think all the smooth stones getting smoother have been deposited at this end of the island…

… the day starts cloudy with a storm off the coast, but quickly turns sunny… a monarch butterfly fluttering up the hillside… after seeing none i am seeing more now, still not large numbers…

… 142 steps to top of beach access stairs… first time successfully counting the number… health app translates that into ten flights of stairs…

Walking

… Rodman’s Hollow, waning gibbous moon… i srartle a deer who bounds to the far side of the field and is still watching me…

… two women pass with three dogs, Maya, Quora and a name i did not catch…

… humid yesterday and today, i keep thinking we should be done with that…

… plants identified this AM:

• winged sumac:

• a tea or aide can be made from it, maple syrup recommended to sweeten it
• red pine:

• native to North America
  • hope, pity symbolism
• frost aster:

• symbolism, love
• Canada lettuce:

• symbolism: Chastity, Protection, Love
• Northern bayberry:

• berries have wax that can be extracted and used to make candles
  • symbolism: illusions and appearances; used for visions and divining.

… that was the extent of my plant divining today…

Scenes From Today’s Walk

The route…

… the scenes…

Walking

Sitting in Long Dock Park

… quiet summer morning… thinking about places to publish what i write… this morning the idea of writing longer, more considered posts, weekly, publish to Medium?, Ghost?, how to get it out… what to get out…

… trying to find words for the sound of cicadas… rasping is what i have come up with… it’s not right as rasping is an unpleasant and grating sound, which cicada noise is not…

… i have stopped to listen to the water rifle by in Fishkill Creek, Madame Brett Park…

Walking

… warm and humid today… will be hot later and again tomorrow…

… sitting on Roundhouse property by the falls…

… thinking about my web presence, wondering about a three branch approach…

• notes on attention paid
  • micro.blog quasi stream of consciousness
• on attention paid
  • ghost hosted monthly formal post and newsletter
• StudioMBK
  • portfolio site

… thinking about the complexity of our lives in the next few months…

… thinking we should postpone Fiona neutering… lots of moving parts in our lives and the vet practice we have been using is in transition, moving offices, new owner, staff upheval, we need veterinary practice to settle down…

… i’ve decided to map my walks going forward and include as part of walking posts…

… thoughts about a Patreon account linked to my news letter…

… shooting in manual mode with the Nikon… it is slowing me down… pictures are more carefully considered…

… a pause to rest my back… Ron’s Icecream…

Walking

… after tending to the chickens…

… it’s a walk on the Madame Brett trail… a blustery day, almost feels like the beginning of Fall which is a month and a half away…

… some scenes along the way…

… a white butterfly flits across the path in front of me… actually, probably a cabbage moth… this morning i read that butterflies are symbols of renewal and rebirth in Japanese culture and also viewed as the souls of the departed… they are generally a benign or good sign…

… as i write this i wonder about living in a way that makes the world symbolic and sacred… can this be done without devolving into superstition and suspicion?…

… some more scenes…

… that’s all for now…

Walking

… cloudless morning, perfect temperature…

… Fiona is with me today so H can sleep in… we are sitting at a picnic table in Long Dock Park, enjoying the air, sounds and smells…

… noting that my body does not feel as tiptop as i would like it to…

… thinking more about the new direction i would like to head… thinking i would like to concentrate on sending out a monthly news letter…

… some research into Greek mythology… Ariadne and Arachne… i learn that Arachne might be a better myth reference for the wires and utility pole series…

… this used to be the Rivers and Estuaries Institute, not sure if it still is, there is a big Clarkson University logo on the front door…

… Clarkson is also renovating an old industrial building near by…

… now sitting by the banks of Fishkill Creek… we’ve had lots of rain lately… the creek is swollen…

Walking

… what constitutes an important life?… is this anything that one should strive for?… or, is anonymity something to be welcomed, even while leading a good life?… it comes back to immortality… wanting to continue to exist in some fashion for all time… how is it possible that the cosmos cares?…

… i have climbed up the side of the mountain to my favorite spot alongside the stream the trail follows…

… the water tumbles over the rocks quietly…

… some photos…

Walking

… sitting on a bench overlooking Fishkill Creek, which has swollen onto the banks i normally sit on… a stem of Queen Anne’s Lace is my companion…

… most of my walk has been about the contemplation of my tellahealth meeting… i will be glad to have it over… it will inevitably be more positive than i now imagine…

… i snagged another flattened can photograph for my series…

… time to move on…

Walking

I have Fiona with me today. H had a bad night, I thought she would appreciate not being awakened by her.

It’s humid, cloudy.

The river is dead calm. The cosmos feels like it is waiting for something.

A fly buzzing my head.

We meet Lyle and his person. Lyle is a little uncertain around other dogs. He and Fiona get nose to nose, then Fiona backs off.

Lyle is a rescue dog with anxiety issues. Apparently he chews up sheetrock walls and hasn’t met the crate he can’t escape. His person has ordered him a custom built steel crate.

Walking

Sitting by the banks of the Hudson River on Denning’s Point…

… road trips are on my mind this morning… because of my father’s declining condition i am expecting to be traveling down to Florida frequently in the next half year or so… i have been thinking about the idea of turning the need to get down there into photographic road trip adventures… i would do the first one by myself… subsequent trips H and the dogs might come… i and we could develop our road trip chops this way… i have begun researching national park passes (though I remember H getting some sort of pass for parks)… i want to investigate park cabin rentals and camping as well… i am thinking the first trip would be end of August, beginning of September…

06 Scenes From a Walk:

📷

05 Walking:

Madame Brett Park…

… while walking, i composed several micro poems…

_ Collecting eggs– while rooster casually rapes a chicken._

_ Early morning walk– the air thick and pregnant with heat._

_ Two cormorants, wings outstretched– we’re innocent!_

_ Plush rabbit doll lying on the trail– missing childhood._

_ Two redwing blackbirds fussing– love or war?_

03 Walking:

… despite exhaustion, i manage a walk… a fairly long one at that…

… i sit in one of my favorite spots, the bank of Fishkill Creek near the old bridge… the creek is full… i struggle to muster enough interesting thought to make a meaningful post… this is all i have…

04 Walking:

… Main Street walk… staying close to home in case H needs me…

… right now, sitting by the falls on Roundhouse property…

… when i arrived, a young, redheaded woman avoiding passing me in a narrow space… i don’t blame her…

… along the way, i photographed a statue of the goddess Kali in an antique store window… i also wrote a micro poem about it… it occurs to me that when i photograph religious statues i should look up their cultural significance and record it… this would be useful for possible photo assemblages in the future…

09 Scenes From a Walk:

📷

07 Walking:

… feeling rather uninspired, tired, a little depressed… lack of sleep…

… i had ambitious plans for my walk, but i can’t, not today…

… we need to solve the problem with the dogs waking me up early… messes up my whole day…

… i give up on the walk, make my way to Kitchen & Coffee… J is in the house, a cheery round-faced redhead greets me at the counter and takes my order… a woman i recognize is sitting across from me, Liz is her name i think… a waitress somewhere in my past…

… i buy coffee beans, there are none in the house, H will be unhappy about that…

… J has filled out a bit, i might have noted that before, can’t remember…

… as i was walking and thinking, i decided i would like the night off from Salon… just sent K an email informing him of that fact…

… suddenly L is J… hmmm…

05 Photo Notes:

From today’s walk…

05 Walking:

Daily photo walk…

… these steps by the falls are a favorite stopping place…

… this school building was built in 1955, the year i was born… had i lived in Beacon then i might have attended elementary school there… it looks set to easily outlast me… i wonder how many children got their first sense of who they are wandering it’s halls?… i wonder what they have become?…

… i like the colors of these houses together…

… sitting in another one of my favorite stops by Fishkill Creek… note the orange inner tube on the opposite bank… isn’t it interesting the way the landscape revolves around it?…

… some pictures of things noticed along the way…

… the walk of sorrow…

… my wife and i refer to this stretch of road as “the walk of sorrow” because we saw sad looking people walking down it all the time… the people come from Hedgewood assisted living facility a little further down the road… the facility houses people who are not able to fully function in broader society but are no threat to themselves or others…

05 Rodman’s Hollow Trail