233.4 lbs
… not enough steps… Chinese food for dinner… skipped lunch, snacked instead… so maybe i had lunch, but not a proper one… no weight gain or loss…
… depressed most of the day… tried to share my thinking on leisure and wisdom with H yesterday… that i thought a constructive way to fill the “leisure” of “retirement” would be to read and study in ways that could lead to wisdom… their response was underwhelming as they imagined i would cloister myself in my studio more than i do now… they hoped i would have time to work on the house all they could say… i got so angry… bad on me for trying to share thoughts about something that was significant to me… i have been looking for “purpose” or at least a pursuit that could be beneficial to someone, somewhere… the truth is, i have been intermittently pursuing something like this for most of my life, but only in fits and starts, as i could work it around the demands of supplying practical necessities for myself and any partner i was with at the time…
… we went to see the new Batman movie… not my favorite iteration… the story doesn’t progress much from movie to movie… the city is lost to corruption, crime is everywhere… there is a benevolent guardian… wealthy, strong, maybe heroic… he seeks to restore order… he battles pervasive corruption and evil actors, defining himself in opposition to them… he struggles with the anger and hatred that threaten to make him no better than the criminals he brings to justice… indeed, the public and honest police are not sure of him… the power of the state is still needed, but first it must be cleaned up… is a benevolent extralegal actor the way to do it?… is selflessness another word for selfish?… how to retain humanity, already hanging by a thread, when confronted with inhumanity?…
… NATO is discussing what to do if Russia deploys, chemical, biological or nuclear weapons in Ukraine… are we reaching the moment of finding out if the bully will use the nuclear club?… i am happier not watching the news at this moment… i try to forget my fears of death and carry on… fear of death limits us… Ted Lasso hit on this point in season 2… soccer is life, soccer is death… soccer is soccer… Tony Rojas… really like Ted Lasso… a respite from all the darkness hovering…
… didn’t get many photographs yesterday… rain this morning… not sure what i will get today…
… a Paris Review article by Stephen Shore, talking about what inspired him… i tried to think what my list would be… its not close to being as glamorous as his… but i can think of things… there were a few photographs in the article made by Shore… i remember thinking, what is special about these and how are they better than the ones i make… they weren’t that special, to my eyes, and i make lots of photos as good, to my eyes…
… the arborist came and repaired the driveway yesterday… the result was better than i thought it would be… we’ll see how it stands up…
20220324-02